Who am I?

 Let me share a bit of my background.

I am the youngest of 5 siblings and wasn't meant to be born, but 'religion' intervened, and I was born into a stressed, tired and challenged family. As a result, I didn't fit, wasn't wanted, and was a burden to my parents and family. I witnessed emotional and physical abuse, and looking back; this parenting style was considered normal. 

There are several pivoting moments when I realised to get through life. I had to look after myself, be the good girl, stay quiet in the shadows, and do the expected. I followed the rules brilliantly, succeeded, and excelled even— great coping strategy as a child, but hands down dysfunctional as an adult. When I did break free, I was 18, rescued by marriage and relocated to a different state to live my life my way. Living with a loving extended family was a wonderful new experience. Being part of a unit that spent time together and wanted to was foreign. I valued the love and connection they shared. 

But, what I didn't know at the time was I walked into the perfect environment for my childhood issues to come to the surface. My past screamed at me to look at it, but through ignorance,  naivety and inexperience, I didn't have the knowledge or skill to recognise the real problems. I attempted to make 'life work', fit in, do all the everyday, expected things, and cope. I bowed down to my husband and handed over too much power to him, the Church, and the good and productive girl I vowed to be all those years ago. Be the yes girl, even when things were illegal, ethically and morally adverse to my values. Why? He was the head of the house'. I was a mere peasant girl who wasn't of importance and should be grateful for all I had. That was my self worth at the time. Yet, I wanted to have a say in how our life, my life, feel loved, appreciated and connected with my husband and children.  

After three failed life attempts, I surrendered to the idea my life was not working. If I couldn't even die, wasn't allowed to, then I had better learn how to live, for what I was doing was living hell! I trialled the usual therapy paths that really made me wonder WTF was 'wrong with me? Why couldn't I just be happy? After all, I had an open bank account, a husband who didn't beat me, my kids were healthy etc. My life 'looked' great, but I was dying a slow and emotionally painful death inside. 

So many parts of my life were not what I wanted. It felt loveless, unappreciated, undervalued, and no surprise; my life hadn't changed, but the circumstances had. Now, I had children to consider. What were my choices teaching them, and how were they impacting them? Deep down, I knew this was not marriage, love or healthy. I also knew I needed to own my life choices and change. So, I did.

Thanks to my husband at the time, who told me, "You need to get fixed", I did. I started my Life Journey Quest with lots of souls searching, clearing out, and moving on. Literally and figuratively! Over the years, I have faced so many parts of my shadow, and at times I honestly thought I could die as I deep-dived into the shadows of my being.

Thanks to my nemesis, support and guidance from various therapists and teachers, healing and accepting myself occurred. Standing in Godly principles to protect the children, walking away from the marriage, resulted in surrending the children to protect them. A gypsy life provided the challenges and opportunities to heal, shift and re-write my life to my liking. 

I have come a long way. Now, I can say, "I love myself, and I honour where I have come from". I am so very grateful for the lessons through the various relationships with family, friends, lovers and acquittances. Without these experiences, I may not have explored the hurts, wounds, fears, limiting beliefs and generational trauma. Working through my subconscious traumas, I can now say I live what I think is a perfect life.  

Just like in Alice in Wonderland, magic happened, and healing resulted. The adventure to date has unveiled more of the real me, which can support you along this phase of your journey quest to your most authentic self - love. 

There are always silver linings in all dark moments. I learned many modalities to heal my pain, wrote the books, and developed the ReclaimME! Programs, podcasts and a writer for International Magazines. All of my work includes theory and strategies to increase your self-awareness and make empowered conscious choices.

Above all, the take-home message is- You are Not Broken, Damaged, or Wrong.

You live from unhealthy stories, lies, and limiting beliefs that kept you safe all those years ago but no longer serve you. You have a choice, you have permission, and you can come back to your true essence. It starts with a decision backed with commitment and follows through with action. Now, you have the opportunity to Reclaim Your Authenticity, Create a Life on Your Terms, according to the stories, beliefs and truths you choose, from here on.