Crossroad moments can occur at any age or stage of life and are triggered by major life events. Relationship challenges or breakups, employment instability and stresses, health challenges, aging alongside social isolation and economic instability are the perfect storm for Crossroad Moments.
Our world - how we feel about ourselves, who we are, what we are working towards and our sense of safety is intensely challenged within unstable social and cultural frames. Our world is vastly different to when we were kids and extremely different to what our parents taught us all those years ago.
Increased mental health and trauma awareness is also challenging and asks us to explore what is important, reevaluate our lives, goals and priorities, and make choices that will change our lives. The increased information, with insufficient support resources, makes self-discovery, healing, growth, and transformations seem almost unattainable. But there is hope.
By leaning into the challenges, the small irritations and the crossroad moments, we create the opportunity to Create Your Life on Your Terms! Seriously!!
The most rapid critical of the core issues resulting in our Crossroad moments is being disconnected from ourselves. Because when we know ourselves and live a life aligned with our desires, we live a life with greater ease and comfort.
Awareness, especially self-awareness, is the first step to creating any change. More aware of the why, what and how you are choosing your thoughts, actions and choices, you become empowered with knowledge, skills and tools to make changes needed to adapt to the changing world.
Often, the thoughts and questions asked
"There must be more than this! "
"I'm stuck and don't know how to get out of where I am.
"I'm stuck meeting my commitments, priorities and how I feel!"
"Others seem to have it all together, but I am sinking into a void of uncertainty." "What Am I doing, and Who AM I?"
"What should I be doing?"
"I don't even remember what brings me happiness anymore or why I am doing what I am doing."
Crossroad moments look like
There are many types of Crossroad Moments. Each asks us to dig deep, get clear and choose from a deeper place of our truth. This is often the biggest part of the challenge. Firstly, knowing who and what we stand for, and then having the courage to buck against other's needs, expectations and rules of what we 'Should' do in your situation.
Know yourself, then act is a timely saying. Not necessarily easy, but when we know ourselves, it is easier to make conscious choices based on our values and what we choose to believe and act with integrity.
Explore the following and consider which one/s you have or are navigating through. Yes, working through more than one at a time and crossover events is possible.
1. Lifestyle Choices
We all start 'living' the ways we are used to while growing up, but for most people, there comes a time when this is challenged.
We meet someone who lives and loves differently. We observe how others live interact and their life choices. We are challenged one way or the other, and we need to make adjustments to fit in, achieve the goal, or sacrifice parts of ourselves to keep the peace, get ahead, or fit in. At some stage, we are likely to challenge ourselves or we will be asked during the Crossroad Moment.....
What were your dreams and desires, and do you still want them? What does success mean to you?
What do you see as normal, even if it isn't healthy or giving you what you love?
How do you choose to believe how you should be, must do, or have things to be accepted and considered 'a good person?
Reflecting on your Lifestyle Choices encompasses all the bases of life....
Who you choose to be.
How you choose to interact with the world and others and invest your time in creating a life-style.
How you choose to live your life and to experience life and living that is authentic, aligned and true to who you choose to be., based on your values, priorities and passions.
2. Education, Career, Creating Money
How we view money, responsibility, and direction often differs at different life stages—starting out vs starting a family, midlife and when things seem to 'fall apart'.
How to create ethical money and what that even means for yourself can be different to another. Do you follow the social norms, freelance, self-employed or just wing it?
How do you navigate being laid off from work, the challenges of meeting financial and family commitments, redundancy, divorce, becoming a parent etc.?
Most play it safe and compromise their dreams or expectations. This works for a while but can become a huge stressor over time. At some stage, most will be asked to explore what is right for us, considering our commitments and personal needs.
Money is often tied with personal identity, our sense of value, self-esteem, worthiness, deservedness and being good enough beliefs.
3. Relationships with Self, Intimate, Family & friends/colleagues
One of our biggest challenges is being true to ourselves while considering others' needs, wants, and desires.
Our upbringing creates a fairly clear blueprint of who we are, our place in the world, how we 'should' interact with it, and what others expect of us.
Unfortunately, this is laden with generational, societal and unhealthy norms that undermine healthy self-esteem, identity and what we should do in every situation. We are taught what is safe and acceptable behaviour, usually through threats, punishment and pain. These fear-based memories effectively keep us small, trapped and all too willing to conform.
Relationships are the places to push our buttons and show us what we think, feel and believe, yet without the know-how, insight or courage to explore what is important to ourselves, let alone communicate it with others; we keep doing what we have always done.
The risk of self-discovery and changing relationship dynamics towards healthy, secure relationships is so unfamiliar and often too scary that we will sell ourselves out to keep peace and stay a part of something. At what cost, though? Is the price asked worth losing yourself along the way? For some, it is; for others, no.
Significant crossroads moments are deciding whether to commit to a long-term relationship, marry, have children, divorce, or ask your partner to address relationship issues.
4. Stepping up and into dreams
You have started to believe something different is possible, and you have started navigating your crossroads, yet the blocks, fears, limiting stories, fears and beliefs are raring their head, big time. You are determined to work through them and win, but you are not sure what is holding you back and overcautious.
Knowing our fears are learnt and designed to protect against the unfamiliar and unknown, they are doing a great job, but now, you need to re-create, write and step into a new set of beliefs and supportive stories. Thankfully, it is possible and easy enough to do with the tools, commitment, courage, and curiosity to unlearn, learn and adapt to the truth and wholeness of your life purpose.
5. Health Scare and Wellness
A health scare or witnessing another's can be a pivotal crossroads moment. Realising that mortality is finite is often a wake-up call to consider what is important, why they are doing what they do and explore their soul's calling. Often asking, "How did I get here?" and "Is this all there is to life?".
The challenge is real, added to when loved ones add their concerns and dictate to you. The event could challenge your lifestyle, career, and relationships and lead you to listen to the deeper calling.
Choosing life and doing what brings you peace, joy, fulfilment, and well-being often creates challenges. Making significant lifestyle changes and dealing with health issues can bring up hidden conflicts with others that have been simmering in the background for ages.
What is your truth, and what is important to you from here are the key questions asked through this crossroads moment.
6. Life and family stages
Each life stage change creates unique challenges and questions.
Relationship dynamics, expectations, and emotional and physical demands stress everyone.
Parenting brings up unresolved family issues about parenting styles and triggers the hidden rules and expectations about child rearing, parenting, partnering, and providing are significant aspects needing navigating. Parenting asks us to parent our inner child into safer waters.
Moving into teenage years, empty nesting, and aging asks us to revisit and redefine ourselves and our parental, family and social relationships. Question if the norms for each stage are current and healthy or if we choose to do things differently. Are we wanting, willing and choosing to buck the systems from 30, 40 or 50+ years ago because the world is no longer what it was? And how do we even do this if we don't know what we stand for, what is important, what we value and choose to create more of in the future?
Navigating new terrain is challenging, and the complexities can be massive depending on the parts at play and what is happening. At the core, the premise is "Know Your Self," for when you know who and what you stand for, you can make conscious choices aligned with your values and purpose.
7. Personal Growth and Self-Improvement
Whatever the reason to start the journey of self-development and inner growth, the process is the same. You have decided something needs to give or be different and decided it has to start with you. You have decided to step up and take responsibility for what you are co-creating in life. After all, what is within us shows in our reality. If we don't like what we see, then our fears, limiting beliefs and lack of stories will likely play out.
The first instance could be any of the other Crossroads moments, or you could have looked around and realised what you are doing and experiencing isn't what you want any more. The originating 'reason' doesn't matter.
The focus is Who do you choose to become? What do you choose to create in the future? and, with this, What you need to heal, shift, transform and learn to become who you need to be to create a different future?
Dig deeper, see who you are under the layers of BS (Belief Systems), and release your true potential from the place of abundance and love.
8. Ethical, Moral and Legal Dilemmas
Situations that challenge one's values, principles, priorities, and character create a portal for exploration, clarification and consciousness into one’s truth.
You may see or hear something that isn't legal, ethical, or fit your values. These situations demand we know where we draw the line. Your interpretation and management of the situation can be a significant crossroads moment.
Again, our inherited diversity, segregation, inclusion, power, class, standards, norms, expectations and rules filter how we decide if something is good, bad, evil or saintly.
But, if our ideals are on the fringe or go against current social, moral, and legal standards, when others or situations challenge us, we will asked to re-consider or be forced to address the mismatch in our beliefs and how we fit in and respond.
The more targeted, involved in, role and responsibilities within the situation, or triggered by the situation, the deeper the issues will likely be.
The core issues can be singular or crossover between relationships, career, social, political and personal identity, and status challenges can be profound crossroads.
Questions have the power to change your World!! Leading you towards an authentic life!
When powerful, self-awareness questions are asked, you create an opportunity to learn about yourself, your past, future and clarify if you are living your life, or others' expectations from auto-pilot.
Gathering meaningful information about the beliefs and rules you live by gives invaluable insight.
Firstly, you learn about your past programming.
Start exploring what is important to you, and identify what you consider to be important and represent authenticity for you.
This information is then used to create a life of your choosing, on purpose.
A life on purpose and in alignment with your values, and character traits your choose, and therefore create a life and legacy on Your Terms!
Download the eBook copy of 20+Pivotal Questions to Frame Your Path, the first step on your Journey Quest
Authenticity is defined as:
"The unhindered operation of one's true, or core, self in one's daily work" is the definition of authenticity (Kernis, 2003).
This definition emphasises the need for people to be aware of their own thoughts, feelings, and motivations. Sheldon (2013) proposed that there are four dimensions to authenticity. (Original Source Journal)
How Authentically are you living your life?
Creating Your Life on Your Terms means living an authentic life!
All healing ultimately comes from within, not from outside experiences.
Experiences are the reflection of what you consciously and subconsciously believe, the rules you live by. And we describe our experiences through stories. Relaying to ourselves and others how we saw, interpreted and gave meaning to situations.
Humans are natural-born story makers, even if we keep them in our thoughts. We have a need to make sense of what happens, especially when an emotion is triggered. When you have an emotional reaction to what someone says, does to you, or witnesses. Any emotional response - good, bad or ugly, our mind will create a story and you give meaning to the experience.
Like all good stories, there is a plot, cause and effect, and an explanation of why things happened. Usually, there is a lesson to preventing bad things from happening again or increasing the number of good experiences. We innately move towards creating pleasure, and avoiding pain.
Young children do not have the ways, means or skills to see things accurately. Parents having a bad day, siblings feeling things they don't like, friends staying safe and in the group etc., and so, they write storylines that others off the hook, and believe they are the reason why something happens, and blame themselves. Unfortunately, each time a similar or same situation happens, the more ingrained the story becomes in their subconscious. Larger the neurological pathways in the brain that becomes their go-to story when 'things' happen. Even when the good outways the bad, the brain is trained to see parts bits of info that is similar or the same to the originating story. Like a microscope or radar that has a shape filter. One can only 'see' the shape because other parts are blocked out.
Still not sure what I am saying? Consider the following scenarios and see if you relate to them:
Your classmates were playing, but they didn't invite you or tease you. You started to believe they didn't want you around and were not good enough.
Your grades at school were not acknowledged, praised, or compared to others, and you take on the belief you are not 'smart enough', important, or capable, or visible.
You grew up in a home with regular fighting, being ignored, teased, or abused. You thought you were not enough to get the love you needed as a child. We all have an innate need to be loved, cared for and encouraged.
Family, society, religious rules etc., told you, "We don't do this or that."
Often, beliefs around money, relationships, ambition, or anything that make you different to the 'norm'. Beliefs create the question- "What will the neighbours think?", or thoughts we are risking being kicked out, hurt, labelled etc and keep us playing small or in the same place..
The list is much longer than this, but you can hear your beliefs and rules by listening to your self-talk.
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Recognise the negative beliefs and flip them into positives
Limiting, fear based belief:
"I am Not......because....."
Common Limiting, Fear Based Beliefs holding you back
Not sure wat is holding you back from living a life by choice? Consider the following...
What are the shoulds and should not in your life, work, relationships, etc.?
What do you hear yourself saying when you ..
See something you would like to have or do, but is 'out of character' or different when growing up?
It could be clothes, career, holidays, homes, lifestyle, putting yourself first, children, etc. like someone, but you think they are 'out of your league', or you are not good enough. You stop any potential future before giving yourself the opportunity.
Want to branch out and experience more in life, but your family, friends, status quo hold you back, keep you feeling inadequate, not enough and thinking its impossible to go for your heart's calling.
Feel anxious or depressed, but can't figure out why, after all, you "Have it all!!" but, do you? Do you know yourself enough to say your life is the right mix for you?
Are being you, yet are button pushed/triggered/hurt by what someone says or does. Suddenly, you are reacting and not sure why. The thoughts, reactions and stories you heard when answering the questions are beliefs in your subconscious. You are listening to well-worn tracks created in response to previous (unpleasant) experiences.
The more times you experience similar situations and feelings, the deeper the track becomes and the more influential. By exploring, addressing and changing the hidden, knee-jerk beliefs at the subconscious level, you: change your world.
You can live life more consciously. Not dictated by historic feelings, stories, thoughts and behaviours, but happier life experiences, with more ease and peace. experience the brighter side of life as you choose, create and attract experiences you enjoy, and see things differently. Its easier to see others' points of view and see beyond their masks. Their rules, expectations and projections. Friendships, careers, adventures, health, finances etc., as you choose them. Your body becomes healthier, stronger, and more alive.
Upgraded belief :
"I am not that person anymore, and I am safe, worthy, capable of Creating my life on my Terms!"